Angry at someone who died by suicide? It's okay. CW: suicide loss, grief, anger There's an emotion that shows up after suicide loss that no one really talks about. Not sadness — everyone expects that. Not shock or confusion or even guilt. Those get airtime. I'm talking about anger. At them. The person you lost. The person you loved. The person who left. I was immediately furious at my dad after he died. It scared me. My brother can attest to hearing it as soon as he called to

CW: suicide, suicide loss, systemic failures, mental health One of the most painful things about losing someone to suicide isn't just the loss itself. It's the way the world talks about it afterward. They took the easy way out. It was selfish. They must not have been strong enough. I've heard all of these — sometimes from strangers, sometimes from people who should have known better. And every time, I want to ask (and have started poking, gently): Do you have any idea what yo

CW: suicide loss, grief, trauma responses No one told me grief would begin to live in my body or that it would impact my nervous system for the foreseeable future. Once I was able to accept what had happened, I expected the sadness. I expected the crying, the fog, the heaviness that makes getting out of bed feel like an athletic event. What I didn't expect was the way my body would change — the way it would start responding to the world differently, like it had been reprogram

CW: suicide loss, grief For a long time after my dad died, I was a detective. I replayed conversations. I analyzed text messages. I interrogated my own memories like a witness who couldn't keep her story straight. What did he say that Tuesday? Did his voice sound different? Was that comment a clue I missed? I wasn't just grieving. I was investigating. I thought if I could just figure out why, something would click into place. The chaos would organize itself into a narrative t

Content Warning: Suicide loss, grief, death You probably know someone who has lost a loved one to suicide. Actually, let me say that differently. More than 42% of American adults know someone who has died by suicide. That's nearly half of us. Over 48,000 Americans die by suicide every year. That means approximately 135 people today. And by some estimates, each suicide loss profoundly affects at least 135 other people. (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) Photo: Aaron

(Part 2 of 2) In Part 1, we looked at how grief—both personal and collective—carries sacred information about what we're losing and what matters most. We looked at how our culture struggles to hold space for even tangible losses, let alone the perceived, energetic, and collective grief we're all carrying. We named the grief of late-stage capitalism and how the system that creates our grief also denies us time to feel it. Now, the question becomes: what (tf) do we do with all

(Part 1 of 2) This two-part series explo res grief as sacred information rather than something to simply "get through." In Part 1, we'll look at what our personal and collective losses are trying to tell us. In Part 2, we'll explore how to work with grief as a teacher and guide toward healing. What if grief isn't something to get through, but something to listen to and to be guided by? Photo by Anthony Lim / Unsplash What can I say? We live in a culture that treats grief l

Content Warning: suicide loss Fourteen years ago, my world cracked open when my father died by suicide. I had just turned 27, and I didn't think I knew everything but I thought I had a pretty good idea of how life worked. I thought I knew who I was. Looking at my shattered worldview in front of me, I humbly realized I didn't know shit. To the Me Who Was Drowning Marshall. I see you there in your grief fog, barely able to string sentences together. The anxiety only made worse

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It was around this time last year when I lost a close friend. The pain of that loss is still pretty fresh, a wound that hasn't fully healed. But it's not just this loss that weighs heavily on my heart. Over the past several years, I've experienced a series of losses, including the sudden death of my father 13 years ago, the passing of several friends and most recently, my canine companion. Each loss has left its mark, creating a tapestry of grief that's complex and sometimes

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CW: suicide loss Losing someone to suicide is one of the most painful experiences imaginable. The grief can feel like a relentless storm, battering your heart and soul. But I've learned that healing is possible, even when the pain seems unbearable, and learning the ways my particular self and system functions has helped me cope after suicide loss. Let me share what has helped me through this journey, from the depths of my heart. The grief of losing my dad to suicide in 2011

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