A Gentle Approach to Looking After Your Inner Child(ren)

With so much chaos surrounding us right now, I know that the little you inside might be totally freaking out. I've got a few inner kids, all of different ages, genders and levels of rebellion, and though they join yours in freaking out, I have learned some stuff along my journey in reparenting that I'd like to share in case it could be helpful to anyone right now.

What is this "Inner Child Work" that you speak of?

If you're new to the whole inner child and reparenting thing, it's mostly about reconnecting with those younger versions of yourself still hanging out inside you. You know, the parts that maybe got hurt, overlooked, or just didn't get what they needed when you were actually that age. These little yous can pop up when you're feeling activated, stressed, or particularly vulnerable. And wow, do they have things to tell you! ✨

Starting Exactly Where You Are

First things first - there's absolutely no "perfect" way to do this work. Some days, my inner four-year-old is running the show, needing major reassurance that the world hasn't completely broken and no one can be trusted. Other days, my teenage self is rolling their eyes so hard they might get stuck that way. The key isn't perfection – it's just noticing which part of you is activated and attempting to meet them with compassion instead of that inner critic voice we all know too well.

Simple Practices for Everyday Reparenting

1. Just Listen. Don't Try to Fix.

When your inner child is upset, try this simple but powerful practice: just listen. Put a hand on your heart, close your eyes, and ask, "What are you feeling right now, little one?" Give that part space to express without trying to fix everything immediately. Sometimes, being heard is the healing we're actually craving. 🫶

2. Create Safety Rituals That Actually Feel Good

Our younger selves often need tangible reminders that they're safe now. This might look like keeping a special stone in your pocket to hold when anxious, wrapping yourself in the softest blanket you own, or creating a cozy corner in your home that feels like a sanctuary. My inner seven-year-old LOVES when I make hot chocolate and read a favorite book - those simple comforts that signal what I mean to let them know. "Hey, you're safe here, sweetheart. I've got you."

3. Play as Medicine

Okay, when was the last time you did something purely for JOY? Our inner children need play as much as they need protection. Dance in your kitchen like nobody's watching (because they probably aren't). Color outside the lines. Make a mud pie? Splash in puddles. Let yourself be silly and gloriously imperfect - a little rebellion against the constant pressure to be productive can be deeply, and surprisingly healing. ♥️

4. Different Ages = Different Needs

We've got to be a little introspective here, ya'll. Remember that we have had different needs at every stage of growing up. Your toddler self might need physical comfort and super simple reassurances. Your school-aged self might need validation that their feelings matter. Your teenage self? They probably need respect for their boundaries and acknowledgment that they actually have wisdom worth listening to.

Notice which age shows up most often for you. Is it the age when big changes happened? Where you learned to hide parts of yourself? Where you took on responsibilities that weren't yours to carry? This awareness can guide your reparenting process in the most beautiful ways.

5. When Reparenting Gets Hard (Because It Effing Will)

Some days, this work feels impossible. I feel it, too. When your inner parts are in deep pain or when the present moment feels overwhelming, try to be kind to your present self by knowing you don't have to do it all at once. In fact, no one can! Sometimes reparenting looks like saying, "I see you're hurting. I'm here. We'll figure this out together, but right now, let's just breathe." And that's enough.

And sometimes, we need help. Working with a therapist who understands trauma and inner parts work can provide crucial support when reparenting feels too heavy to carry alone. There's profound courage (and health) in reaching out. It's right there inside you, too. But it doesn't always come easily. I remind myself every morning in a daily prayer that includes, "Help me to remember I can ask for help."

6. We Need Each Other

Speaking of asking for help...though a lot of reparenting happens within, we absolutely need others. Find your people who can see you in a way that honors your inner children and their feelings. It's not their job to care for them- that's your job, but you'll notice who they feel best to be around if you pay a little bit of attention. And if you have friends who are in touch with their inner kids, you can share stories, laugh together, hold space for each other's struggles. Our collective healing matters so much.

If you think about it, we're all walking around with these younger selves inside us. When someone reacts strongly or seemingly out of nowhere, they might be responding from a wounded inner place. This understanding can transform how we show up for each other in ways that are meaningful to them and that will help us grow in compassion, too.

A Gentle Reminder Before You Go...

Reparenting isn't about becoming perfect. It's about creating a relationship with all parts of yourself based on compassion rather than criticism. It's slow, super messy work - and it's some of the most important healing we can do, especially in times like these. Caring for my inner children has totally changed my life and as this work continues, I can say that it's already been well worth the trouble.

Your inner children don't need a perfect parent. They just need you - present, kind, and willing to try again when you mess up (because we all do). That's the gift we can all give ourselves: the love we needed then, offered now with open hands and an open heart. All parts of you are worthy of your love. No exceptions. 💞