CW: suicide loss, grief, trauma responses No one told me grief would begin to live in my body or that it would impact my nervous system for the foreseeable future. Once I was able to accept what had happened, I expected the sadness. I expected the crying, the fog, the heaviness that makes getting out of bed feel like an athletic event. What I didn't expect was the way my body would change — the way it would start responding to the world differently, like it had been reprogram